2004–01–11

Home?

Elena over at tofutticutie blogs about place and belonging.

These are issues I’m dealing with as well. I was born and raised in and around St. Louis. I moved to Memphis over 11 years ago and will be leaving in February. I’ll be heading back to Missouri for a few months and then traveling a bit this summer. Not sure where I’ll end up. I don’t know where I belong.

As close as I’ve become to the people in my Memphis community I often feel very distant. Maybe that’s a part of being human. I’m a part of this community and love many people here but I often feel as though I just don’t fit. Going back to Missouri I’ll be closer to the places I grew up with. But there is something there I’m not comfortable with. Perhaps it’s memory. My life really became my own when I moved to Memphis.

Different people. Strange, the thought came into my head that I was a different person when I lived with my parents. But I wasn’t. I am the same person. Rather, I contain that person. Who I am now is the evolution of who I was before. Going back and staying for a bit will be strange. I’m looking forward to spending alot of time with my family and that will be the emphasis. Not sure how much I’ll get out. Not sure I’d recognize anything anyway. The development boom south of St. Louis has transformed the area and frankly, I’m not interested.

I guess I’m just wondering about what I’ll do next and, like Elena, I’m wondering about where I want to be.