Not sure what I want to say… if I want to say anything at all. I’m sad, derpessed, disgusted and I have a hard time getting the words out… have a hard time believing that the words matter anymore. As I said in my previous post, I feel that I’ve given up hope.
Rather than throw the blog away altogether, which is still something I’m considering, an alternative might be to turn it into a photo blog of sorts. I continue to post to Flickr so perhaps I’ll start posting the best of those photos here once or twice a week. As with everything else these days, I’m not sure.
I’ve not been posting much recently in part because I’ve spent more time outside in the garden. But really, that’s only half of the story. I suppose the truth is that I’ve just given up. Since leaving Memphis, and to some degree before that, I’ve lost hope. I can’t help but think that it is over and there is nothing that can be done and I mean that on many different levels. The political system in the U.S. is completely fucked. Climate change is probably what I worry about most and it is on my mind constantly throughout each day. Peak oil and Iraq as well. Of course within each of these there are many layers.
I’m finding that I don’t know how to feel. I’m depressed but really that’s only part of my reaction. I feel numb. I want to hide. In fact, that is what I’m doing I suppose. I’ve come to the conclusion that all I can do is minimize my negative impact which means I don’t go out much at all. I don’t want to interact with people… we humans, at least those I know and have known in my life… we’re selfish busy-bodies. MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE. We cannot be satisfied. We refuse to acknowledge the truth of our lives. We lie to ourselves and our children and our grand children. We humans are selfish, greedy liars.
I long ago made the decision not to have children. I cannot imagine bringing one into this world. Not only for the sake of the child, but also in terms of adding to the problem. In terms of ecology and planetary recovery we need about 4 billion fewer humans, not one more. Even better, I’d guess the planet would be best served by our extinction. If I believed in god that’s what I’d pray for.
I mentioned in my last post that I had ordered a new gas-less reel mower and now that I’ve used it twice I’m happy to report that it works much better than I expected. We live out in the woods with 5 acres of mostly woodland and about 1/2 acre of grass. Of that 1/2 acre half is heavily shaded and the grass is very thin and is as much moss and wild flowers as grass. The other part of the lawn, is regular grass that gets plenty of sun. The reel mower handled it with ease and in about the same time it takes with a gas mower. It will tend to miss grass or weeds such as dandelions that have gotten too tall but if I cut every 5-6 days it won’t be a problem. Aside from the fact that it does not use gas the other two things I really like about it is its light weight and very quiet operation. I detest the sound of gas mowers almost as much as the carbon they spew into the atmosphere, this reel mower makes grass cutting an almost pleasant experience.
This was $120 very well spent.
While this is not a honeybee it is a bee and one of many that pollinates the flowers in our little garden. At the moment there are not many flowers blooming in the garden but there are plenty of dandelions in the lawn!
Speaking of lawns, I’ve ordered a new non-gasoline 20″ reel mower so that the gas mower can be retired. I should have done this three years ago when I returned to Missouri but I can, at the very least, say that I’ve been shrinking the lawn substantially and replacing it with natives. Thus far I’ve added around 30 native species and 90 plants which have since multiplied by many, particularly Butterfly Weed, Purple Coneflower, Orange Coneflower, and Columbine.
After five years my Nikon CoolPix has finally called it quits. I’ve wanted a digital slr for a long while but put it off many times. Most of my photos from the past year were taken with a GL2 which is not bad for a video camera. Thanks to the GL2 zoom I’ve been able to get some decent bird photos. Still, it’s a video camera and it shows. All this to say that I finally bought a dslr (a Canon Rebel XT and it rocks.) First slr I’ve had in 13 years and I’m remembering how much better it is to have complete control. So, here’s one of my first photos.
I should have a zoom lens at my front door tomorrow… much better for bird and critter photos!