Monthly Archives: August 2003

Why you want more Dubya in 2004

Originally posted by New Kojak at the Maccentral Forums.

You are independently wealthy and wish to pay a lower tax rate than the people you hire to cut your grass and serve you lunch.

You absolutely despise overtime pay and the labor unions that demand it.

You think public universities are great, but not nearly white enough and with far too many women’s athletics programs.

You hate most of the world and really wish that was reflected in foreign policy.

After a history of tax evasion, skirting trade restrictions, and over-billing governments, you think Haliburton probably deserves only the juiciest of no-bid reconstruction contracts for the countries the US is sure to bomb the hell out of.

When Paul Wolfowitz talks about fighting preemptive wars against three or more countries at once, you can’t help but wipe the saliva off your chin with your sleeve and feel your nipples harden with excitement.

Children in poor schools are easily fooled into thinking they won’t be “left behind,” and you want to know if Bush has any more hilariously evil and sadistic jokes to pull on the nation’s impoverished.

You seriously believe George W. Bush when he says that God himself put him in charge of spreading freedom throughout the oil rich Caspian Sea basin with depleted uranium ammunitions and cluster bombs.

You think that asthma, bronchitis, acidic mercury-laden rain, radioactive waste, wars in the middle east, and global terrorism are simply fine substitutes for research into a sustainable energy future.

When faced with the choice of a bloated government, or cuts in social services, you think, “gee, can’t we have both?”

You’re thinking of starting a giant suicide cult and the credible fear of nuclear armageddon really helps with recruitment. Nuclear non-proliferation treaties do not.

You’re tremendously homophobic and want an administration that makes your fears a priority.

Listening to George W. Bush’s speeches makes you feel like a sophisticated and intelligent individual.

You’re sexually attracted to Ann Coulter and would do everything she says for just one night of savage passion with her finely tailored, Skeletor-like body, vapid of compassion, logic, and reasonable thought.

You think the Iraq War is best justified after hundreds of American deaths and thousands of Iraqi civilian deaths and that Bush is going to need until at least 2006 to find any weapons in Iraq.

Kenneth Lay really deserves to keep someone else’s parent’s retirement savings.

You really think Ralph Nader still doesn’t quite get it.

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